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As humans we are such a conglomeration of complicated layers of our soul that every time I come to a twist in life I’m forced to learn something new. It may be good, bad or indifferent, but it’s new to me. Just like the layer I lost today brought me a real wake up call. But first I must apologize because this post turned out a bit longer than most.
REPAIR & SURPRISES
Since April, 2021, I have voluntarily put myself through three challenging, but not serious, procedures in order to repair my body and prepare for “new things to come”. We all know those “new things to come ideas” right? My thoughts were nothing but positive from the start.
These things took their toll on me, but I was prepared for them. Slam came the unpredictable occurrences of life with a death in the family and a negative reaction to a medical injection I had. The injection took me down to the point of feeling I had zero strength to even move and my entire body hurt worse than ever before in my life. Then I added an additional injury to my torn rotator cup and all of my bases were loaded with no where to go.
My positive attitude went down the tubes and my long standing feeling returned of “What is happening to all my physical get up and go? Where has it all gone and why can’t I get it back?” The Universe kicked my butt, and it hurt!
THE STRUGGLE TO RETURN
We’re all familiar with times of depleted energy, pain and recovering from some illness or injury. We’re left questioning every step we take and how do we take it. Plus it feels like we need all the strength of Mythological Heroes just to break through it, doesn’t it? Where to go to get that strength was beyond me. I just knew I wanted all my old strength and health back.
Well, needless to say I haven’t met any Mythological Heroes in person yet, but I’m not giving up.
WHERE IT TOOK ME
In the meantime, it took me to a serious look at aging. I see more and more of the aging progression of humans in myself. It’s a process of acceptance for sure. Acceptance on so many different levels. Yes, I can see I can get old. Yes, I am getting older. No, I don’t have to feel old. No, I don’t have to change who I am. Yes, I have to change how I accept how I can’t manage the same things I used to. No, I don’t have to grow up. Yes, I guess my pain is worse. No, I don’t have to accept societies view of old age “helplessness and uselessness”. Yes, I can fight for my health and flexibility myself. You get the picture.
I find it breaks down further and further with every twist in life constantly changing the acceptances of myself and my aging process. Laying there after exercising this morning I was wondering how much longer till I feel strong again like the old me of two years ago. Closing my eyes I was shown a figure of my younger 30 year old self running towards a brilliant white light in the distance and waving to something in that light. At that moment I knew there was another piece of me leaving. I had unknowingly healed some part of me. “Let go of the outcome” was the only thing I heard as my youthful 30 year old self ran to the light.
KNOWING & LEARNING
I already knew pieces, or layers, of our past lives and wounds come and go in our lives. I’ve received and lost many layers, over the last 25 years that I’ve been on this path. Most have been from past lives, but some have only been emotion and belief layers from this life time. I know that when we have learned a certain lesson from past life, or an emotion or a belief and it is part of a karmic lesson, that layer of us belonging to that lesson is no longer needed and it leaves us.
It’s a very good thing when it happens. We change, we move on, or we stagnate. They’re all choices we make. When the changes are at a soul level, reaching the very truth of who we are, then we receive or loose pieces, or layers, of ourselves.
Today, however, I also learned from Spirit that those layers leave or come in stages according to our experiences and acceptance of life. Most people never stop long enough to notice these stages, but I had just witnessed another one of mine. These layers don’t have to happen in time sequence either. They happen according to our acceptance or rejection of the truth of ourselves at a soul level and we can’t control it happening.
CHANGING MY BELIEF
Today’s layer dealt with my personal “Youth” belief. I realized that age has its own way to be according to how we accept our truth, which includes our beliefs we hold to be true at a soul level. In other words, my belief of age had been inflexible when I applied it to myself. In truth, the belief of age is flexible and I was now accepting that to be so for me personally. Today I was given one of those Ah Ha moments and I’ll probably write another blog on layers soon.
Looking at my learned American societies beliefs on aging, I came away with deeper ideas of how a significant part of elderly deaths comes from our beliefs about aging. So many elderly people die because of accepting other people and society’s beliefs of what aging looks like. One deeply accepted belief is that they are too old to change, to old to learn or to even too old go on living alone. These are horribly detrimental beliefs to instill in peoples lives. These beliefs kill hope, spirit and the will to live.
The elderly people who do find the their way forward in life are the ones who never had these limiting aging beliefs in the first place or they broke free from them in one way or another. These limiting aging beliefs also make us a youth mania culture, therefore, further promoting the damage they cause to us. To think that only youth counts and compare ourselves to the world of the fittest, brightest, prettiest, etc, spurs us on to the impossible and damaging task of making our bodies and lives “keep up” with being young.
MY CRASH & THE OUTCOME
That is exactly how I’ve lived in order to survive from being harmed. My ideal belief of youth that I ran on for 20 years helped me to do just that, survive., but it cost me my body, mind and emotions. Now I have to explore the full scope of what I apparently am learning from my old belief layer leaving. Will another layer of myself come in to help me learn or do I have all I need here right now? Wish I knew
What am I learning? Apparently some kind of gentler, less youth intense push driving it. So far I can already see it’s a more forgiving and flexible attitude towards myself to slow down and stop pushing every thing I do so fast. I have time. Let go of the outcome.
Not sure what else I’ll discover or what it all means to me. I’m sure I will have my fights with myself learning to live it. We are human you know and this does mean change. But as long as I keep going I know I’ll make it. Perhaps you see these kinds of shifts inside of you too. I encourage you to enjoy and explore the journey. Let go of the outcome.
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